Lest I forget
by AngelicSnow
Summary: "Dear Ratatosk, It's me- Marta." Follows normal ending. Marta's having trouble dealing now that Ratatosk's gone. So she writes letters to him and throws them into the sea at the Otherworldly Gate, hoping that they'll reach him one day.
1. Denial

**Chapter I: Denial  
**_(This can't be happening, not to me)_**  
**

Marta was standing at the Otherwordly Gate, clutching a small bottle in her hands. It was worth a shot, right? If he didn't get it, then no one but her would ever know, and if he did... well, there was a reason she wrote that letter in the first place, right?

Taking a deep breath, she stepped forward and threw the bottle into the sea. "Aqua?", she whispered, "I know you don't really like me, but if you can hear me... please take this to him. Take this to Ratatosk." _Here I am_, she thought, _talking to no one in particular. _But if there was a chance for the letter to reach him, it would be for Aqua to deliver it. Centurions could, after all, go wherever they wanted to, closed door or not.

_Please reach him..._

* * *

Dear Ratatosk,

It's me- Marta. I know, I know. I'm doing something completely stupid and useless again. But I can't help it, can I? I miss you. I miss you so much! And if this is what it takes for me to feel like I can be a bit closer to you- even if just a tiny bit... well, I'll do it. You probably wouldn't read this letter, anyway. Heck, you might not even ever get it. But I just need to feel like I'm still able to talk to you. I think I might go crazy, otherwise. I mean... Why me? What did I do to deserve this? I thought I'd finally... well... gotten my Happy-Ending. But I guess they're more suited for Fairytales and Storybooks. I doesn't work that way, not in real life.

I miss you.

Stop it. Don't just roll your eyes or scowl at this letter. I know you're doing that, right now. It's not this letter's fault.

Just don't dismiss it, okay?

The world's just not the same without you. I just... I just wish you were here with me. I'd take your indifference or your anger any day, I told you I loved both sides of you. Anything's better than not having you around.

Look, I...I've been wondering about something. When I left, you said something to me. Except, it wasn't you. Well, not really. It was your other self. It was Emil. I know it was. You let him take control so that he could tell me, right?

Thank you.

He told me he'd always love me, too. It made me so happy, and yet, it made me want to cry. Because your "forever" is a lot longer than mine.

I was so overwhelmed by my feelings, that I didn't think about it, at the time. But I started wondering a while ago.

...What am I to **you**?

I know what Emil feels for me, now. Thanks to you. But even if you're the same person, I don't think you share the same feelings. I've seen that with Richter. So I won't make the mistake of thinking you care for me in the same way. I don't want to believe that I'm nothing to you after all the time we've shared. Because I care about you, too. A lot. You know that, right?

I just want to know what I am to you.

I know that you probably think it's stupid. Maybe to you, it is. And I'll even admit that knowing is not my top-priority. (Mostly because I have no way of findng out, now.) I also like to believe that I've grown up a bit since the beginning of our journey. You helped me with that, too. So you should be able to admit that I'm better than that, as well. I'm better than the little girl I used to be when I started out.

There, I said it.

I'm not her. Maybe I don't even know her, anymore. There's no longer as much room for pink hearts, unicorns and rainbows in my life. I can fight, too. I always thought that you were at least okay with having me by your side. In battle, that is.

Well, I just had to get that out. But this probably won't be the last time you heard from me. If you do get this letter anyway. Knowing me, I'm probably back here by tomorrow with another letter.

Take care of yourself for me, okay?

I love you,

Marta


	2. Anger

**Chapter II: Anger**  
_(Why? It's not fair!)_

So she had written another letter. So she was standing at the Otherworldly Gate again. So what? It really wasn't her fault, anyway. It was the world's. Or Lloyd's. Because... if they hadn't taken him away from her, she wouldn't have to be here and write him letters. Who made this world, anyway? If it wasn't for the Mana... or the tree... or... or...

She didn't even know who to blame, anymore.

Raising her hand, she threw the bottle into the sea. Again.

_Maybe_..., a quiet voice spoke in her mind, _maybe this is his fault, too._

* * *

Dear Ratatosk,

I dreamt of you last night.

It wasn't really that special, I dream about you every night, since... well, you know. It wasn't even that momorable; I just saw you standing there, gazing into the distance. Kinda like you did in the Temple of Lightning when we met Director Schneider. Remember that? To tell you the truth... I still curse the day we met him and Rilena. I know it's selfish. I know that there's no telling what would have happened to the world if we wouldn't have found out that you're really a summon spirit. I know that, and yet I...

I guess I'm just that selfish, after all.

Anyway, back to that dream. As I said, you were just standing there, staring, and then you suddenly turned around and left. It was nothing special, and yet the image of your back as you walked away from me and the sound of your footsteps are still burned into my mind. I don't think I'll ever forget it. I can't decide wether that's a good thing or not.

Dramatic? Yeah, I guess. But this is my letter, I can write what I want. You left me alone after you promised me you'd be there for me. You owe it to me to listen.

Angry? Now that I think about it, I guess I really am.

You left me.

You left me!

You said you wouldn't and you did!_ "Trust me. I'm your guardian, a Knight of Ratatosk." _Ring a bell? You said that to me when we were looking for Tenebrae. I get that the circumstances have changed a little, I get that you're not a Knight of Ratatosk, but Ratatosk himself. But that doesnt change the fact that you were the one who said it to me. You, not Emil. I know you remember. You asked me to trust you, and I did. You wanted me to stop running, and I faced Daddy. And now I'm supposed to just stand here and act like nothing's ever happened? Like I don't see you leave night after night again?

Well, I'm sorry, I can't. I love you. I told you that, and I can't just give it up. I don't know, how!

Don't even think about crumpling this letter, I told you already: You owe it to me to listen, damnit! You like me better when I'm angry than meek and apologetic, you said that, didn't you? So the least you can do is stand by it. Listen to me being angry.

You probably think I need to get over it, already. "Get over..." Pff! If only it was that simple! I'm sorry, but I can't be more like you, turning off my emotions whenever I choose to. I can't store them away and pack them out whenever I think I can spare the moment. Wouldn't that be nice? It'd make a lot of thinks easier.

...Okay, I get it. Don't look so smug, I'll admit you're right. Getting riled up now won't change anything. That ship sailed already, and this is just a bit too little, too late.

I get it.

Doesn't mean I can change how I feel.

You are... You just...

You're not going to come back.

I know. Forgive me if I'm not able to say it, yet.

And although it might make a lot of things easier if I could just stop it, I still love you. I told you in the last letter, too. And I said that I wonder about how you felt about me. I still do. Look, I'm not asking for you to feel the same way. I'm not even asking for acceptance. Because either would be too selfish. I'm just asking for one thing: An answer. Anything would be fine. I think, by now, I'd even settle for an "I never cared about you." even if I don't think that's the case. Call me self-centered if you will, but I believe there was more than that between us. Anyway, any answer would be better than not knowing. So...if you get this letter, if you read it and if you have an answer to give, then please, give me a sign. Any sign. I'll look out for that. You're a summon spirit, damnit. You gotta have some way of getting through that door, right? I mean, the whole world's been after you, and now you're protecting a door that seperates our world from anoter one that could easily detroy it. Also, you can rewrite the laws of the world. You must have some ultra-stong powers, it couldn't be impossible for you to contact me, right?

...Right?

Well, then. I kept you from your duties long enough. There are some laws you have to rewrite, aren't there?

Me? I think I'll go for a walk before I go back home. The weather's nice tonight, and I always loved the sea. So, best to take advantage of that, right?

You... You take care of yourself, okay?

Goodnight.

Marta.


	3. Bargaining

**Chapter III: Bargaining**_  
(I'd do anything, if I could just...)_

Twilight was already coloring the sky, making it look like it had caught fire. If she wanted to make it to the nearest town before nightfall, she'd have to leave now. _Here I go, again..._ Lost in thought, she stared out into the sea. If sh stood there, at least she could pretend that she was closer to him.

That it really was just the ground that seperated them, and not a massive door that was surrounded by magic and would stay closed for the next 1000 years or so._ It gets harder every time. Shouldn't I be used to it, by now?_ With a sigh, she turned, grabbed the bag that lay at her feet and started walking.

_But then again, parting is probably something that you can't get used to._

* * *

Hey there.

It's me. Again.

How are you? Me, I've been better, I suppose. I just wish I could talk to you again. I really miss you.

You know what? I've met a boy, yesterday.

No, don't scowl, it's not like that. I told you there was no one else for me but you.

We just talked. He's really nice. He made fun of me quite a bit, but in a non-offensive way.

I think he just wanted me to cheer up a bit.

His name is Aric, by the way. We met in Asgard, while I was visiting Linar and everyone. They seem to have known each other for quite a while.

...It would have been more fun if you'd been there. They asked me about you. I told them the truth, I mean, what was I supposed to say? "Sorry, he's not coming back, but I can't really tell you, why"?

_"...he's not coming back..." _

Not coming back...

Ratatosk...

Why can't you come back?

Please! If you'd just come back, if I could just see you once more...

I'm not even asking for forever, I'm just asking for one more weekend, just one more day...!

If I could just have one more day with you, I'd do anything...!

Martel, if you can hear me, if you hear me at all, please, just let me have one more day! I'll do anyhing! I'll...

I'll...

I'll become a seal for the door, or go to Niflheim to fight the demons myself! I know I might to be able to do much, but... but I can just make it easier for you, even if just a little bit, I'd do it! I'd take as many demons down with me as I possibly could.

I want to help you! It's not fair that you have to bear it all! Okay, so you have Richter there with you, but still...!

Why does he get to stay with you? Why couldn't I stay, too? I'd gladly accept the pain of keeping that door shut if tht meant I could stay with you!

Why does Richter get to do it?

It's not fair.

It's not fair!

I want to be there for you, too. I want to help you, too!

...I want to be with you. Ratatosk, I want to see you! I miss you so much! If there's a way... **any** way, please, tell me!

I know it's selfish, I know that saying this is probably the worst thing for a person to say, but... but I don't care half as much about changing this world as I do about seeing you again.

...I'm such a hypocrite, aren't I?

I always yell at you, telling you that you should care more about other people's lives that just mine, telling you that you're wrong about thinking that way, and yet here I am, doing the exact same thing.

I'm the worst.

But I can't help it. I just miss you so much.

I just love you so much.

So... if there's anything I can do, tell me!

I **need **you to tell me.

I'll be waiting.

Love always,

_Marta_

_

* * *

_

**A/N: This chapter sucked. No really, it was bad. I know it was bad. It just turned out completely different than I wanted it to.**

**Sorry .  
**


	4. Depression

**Chapter IV: Depression**_  
(What's the point of going on?)_

A group of people had gathered in the Chosen One's mansion.

"How is she, Zelos?"

"To tell you the truth... I don't know. She won't let me see her, she won't talk, won't eat. I just..." the redhead fell silent.

"Argh, this is bad! If we don't do something, she'll... I don't know! I'm really not someone that can deal with this kind of stuff! Shouldn't we contact Raine or Genis? Or Regal? I bet even Presea would know better than me what to do."

"Raine and Genis are on their way, hunny. If they get their Rheairds from Yuan today, they should arrive early tomorrow."

"I swear, if you call me 'hunny' one more time..."

"Zelos, Sheena, don't we have more important thing to talk about right now?"

"Lloyd..."

"Lloyd's right. I'm not saying that because I know better or anything... I don't know what do to, either, but..."

"No, you're right, Colette. Fighting won't help Marta right now..."

"I'll check up on her again. You guys should go to bed, it's pretty late. We won't be much of a help to her if we're tired out tomorrow."

"I'll go with you!"

"Seles, shouldn't you rest? In your state..."

"Don't, Zelos! I'm worried about Marta, too. I'm coming."

"Fine then. But the rest of you..."

"Zelos is right."

"Although I don't think I'll be able to get much rest tonight."

* * *

_A tiny piece of paper lay on Marta's nightstand:_

Ratatosk,

You're really not going to come back, are you?

Marta

* * *

Yo Emil,

...or Ratatosk? How am I supposed to call you now?

This is Zelos. You know, handsome, intelligent, benevolent and incredibly modest Chosen of Tethe'alla? You haven't forgotten me yet, have you?

Look, I'd like to say I'm writing just because, but... I'm really not. This isn't about me at all. This is about my dearest Marta. She's not been herself lately. She's completely shut herself away. She's not talking to anyone, she barely eats anything and I don't see her smile anymore. If I didn't know better, I'd say she's become an Angel of Cruxis. I mean, can you believe it? It's Marta. Carefree, happy-go-lucky Marta. I know they say that you're not supposed to try and cheer someone up if that person's grieving. I know that it's supposed to be important for her to move on, but... this whole situation's pretty much fucked up! I don't really care about this psychological crap, anyway. Marta' s obviously in pain, and watching it makes the rest of us hurt, too. And this is your fault!

Well, no, it actually isn't. I know that. I know you're protecting this world from the demons or Niflheim or whatever. But blaming you is just so much easier. I don't think I can just forgive you.

Not yet.

Maybe not ever.

But then again, Marta will probably be angry with me for that, won't she? She's always stood up for you, after all. But really, man, you should see her the way she is now. It-

It scares me.

I don't know what to do. I know I shouldn't be angry at you, even if just for Marta's sake. But it's just hard to accept that there's no one to blame for her condition.

So I won't forgive you, until you find a way to get your ass back up here, in the reunited world, where you belong.

That's right, you heard me. Where you _belong_. We want you here, okay?

See ya then, kid

Zelos

* * *

Ratatosk?

It's me, Sheena.

How are you doing? Me? I'm dealing, I guess. Being the Chief of Mizuho, I'm kinda busy, but watching Marta right now... I don't have the right to complain. She tried hard... she tried so hard, I think she broke. Because... because she didn't even give herself the chance to grieve. She didn't even cry, did you know that? The moment we got out of the Ginnungagap, she said she needed to go see Brute. We all accompanied her, of course. I think we were all expecting her to break down on the way.

She didn't.

She checked on her father, and then she bid us farewell and left. I don't really know where she went after that, but she has dissolved the Vanguard, and she has been travelling around. I think she's trying to get the Tethe'allans to respect the Sylvaranti more. She seemed to be doing so well. Now that I think about it, she was doing _too_ well. She had just basically lost the love of her life.

I should have seen it.

Why _didn't _ I see it?

One day, Zelos contacted me. Apparently she just suddenly turned up on his doorstep. She didn't say anything, she just got in and cried. Seles was really worried about her, too, the two did seem to get along really well. I think I must have been kinda frantic, I mean, I really do like Marta. She's like the little sister I never had, you know? Anyway, Orochi immediately took over for me, so that I could go to Meltokio.

Why did she go to that idiot Chosen's house, of all places?

She didn't want to see me, though. Not at first. But I can be quite obstinate when I want to. She let me into her room at some point, but even then she didn't wanna talk.

I'm really worried about her.

I think she's been spending some time with other boys, though. I did hear her mumble something like that once. I guess she tried to... how to call it?... "Fall out of love" with you? It doesn't work like that, though. I think we all know who truly makes her happy. That there's only person that holds her heart.

You.

And it's pretty clear she's not over you.

Look, I don't know if you even get this letter, I don't know if Undine can get it to you. Maybe that's just wishful thinking. I know that you have to be where you are now, but... But I just wish there was some way for you to come back. She needs you here, you know? She's not whole without you.

Okay, I guess I'm done now. I'll go check up on Marta again. I never would have thought, but Zelos can actually be quite decent. I think, maybe he thinks of her like a sister, too?

Take care of yourself. For me.

For Marta.

And come home when you can, okay?

You always have a place here. Don't forget that.

Sheena.

* * *

Dear Ratatosk,

How are you? Us, we are all pretty worried about Marta. I really do hope she'll be okay. Although, she might never be whole again without you.

She loves you, after all.

Please don't think this is your fault. It's not. It's no one's fault, really. We all hoped it didn't have to be this way.

I promise you, we all will do everything we can to make Marta smile again. For your sake, as well.

Sincerely,

Colette

* * *

Hey.

It's Lloyd.

I'll get straight to the point, okay? I'm sure you've heard about Marta. Sheena said she wanted to ask Undine to get the message to you, so I won't repeat it again.

I'm sure you feel bad enough, already.

I did say I wanted to meet you again, I did want to try to communicate with you. I didn't want it to be like this, though. When I said it, I was thinking about asking Origin to help me. Or use the Eternal Sword. I was so sure I'd find a way to get to you.

You're probably blaming yourself for this.

But it's not your fault!

If anyone's at fault, it's me.

I was the one that said I wouldn't make anymore sacrifices! I was the one that said I didn't want to lose any more friends!

And what do I do? The second I hear about the tree and the Ginnungagap, I just decide that there's no other option that to get you down there and protect that stupid Gate. I didn't even think about it for a second! I didnn't even consider looking for another solution; not like I did with Colette back then.

Because despite everything I said, despite calling you my friend, I didn't even stop to think about you and Marta's feelings.

What kind of a friend am I?

Damn it, why can't I just keep a promise?

I don't know what to do from here. We all want you back, but if you do, no one will look after the Door.

I... wish my dad was here, I'm sure he would have thought of something. Or he would have made me angry enough for me to think of something, myself. But he's not.

Look, I'll try to think of something, okay? I know it's late. I know I should have thought about it right from the beginnig. Maybe, if I'd just talked to you- talked to Marta- we would have figured something out... But I'll try now, okay?

I won't give up! You have my word.

Until then, my friend

Lloyd

* * *

**A/N: Confusing, much? This didn't sound as stupid when it was still in my head...**


	5. Acceptance

**Chapter V: Acceptance**_  
(It's going to be okay.)_

Taking a deep breath, she raised her arm and threw the bottle into the sea. _I know this will reach you. I'll always love you, okay?_ A small smile graced her lips.

Then she turned around and left.

* * *

Dear Ratatosk,

it's me again- Marta. But then, who else would be stupid enough to try to send you letters like this, right?

I didn't write for a while, did I? I'm sorry. I was... well, I guess I was sick. But I'm much better now. How are you doing? How's Tenebrae? And Aqua? I hope they're not fighting all that much? I really miss him, though. I wish he was here with me... Tenebrae's teasing always did make me feel better, somehow.

...How's Richter holding up?

I never did get to ask about him. I never knew, how. After all, what do you say about the guy, who always tried to killl you and then decides to be a sacrifice to save the world?

Tell him... oh, I don't even know what you should tell him. I don't even know, what I'd say if we were face to face. It's just so... hard.

Because there's nothing to say.

Because there's everything to say.

And that at the same time.

Tell him (and I'm sure he doesn't want to hear this, but make him listen, anyway;) that I'm sorry. I know that he doesn't like it – doesn't like me, and I know that it won't change anything, but I feel like he needs to know that I really am sorry. For a lot of things.

For not listening.

For not trying to explain.

For running away.

For his loss.

But above all else; I'm sorry for the way it turned out.

I didn't even say Goodbye to him. And I didn't say "Thank-you", either.

So... tell him that, too. Tell him that I'm grateful. For what he's done. And tell him that I convinced Daddy to forgive him, too. I explained everything to him. About the Tree, the Ginnungagap... and about Aster, too. It took him a while, but he undertands now. He's lost someone, too, right?

Anyway, that's just something I had to say, and I was afraid I'd chicken out if I waited to long. No more running for me, remember? I promised you.

Aric and I have stayed in touch, by the way. He's got himself a girlfriend now. I'm really happy for him, he deserves it.

What? You probably thought I was lying when I said it wasn't like that, huh?

Don't roll your eyes, you know I'm right.

I really meant it, you know. He's sweet and kind and caring... but he's not you. And there will never be anyone for me but you.

He's become an important person for me, sure. He's helped me quite a bit in the last weeks. He's kinda become a close friend. Not more, but not less, either. I want him to be happy. And he is, I think. He always seems to light up whenever he talks about his girlfriend. Kinda like I do, when I talk about you.

Or so I'm told.

Because I finally can. Talk about you, I mean. It doesn't hurt anymore. Well, not as bad. I think a part of me will always hurt when I think about you, but in a good way. It will always remind me of you. Remind me that you'll always be more than just a memory.

I love you.

I love you!

I always will, never forget that. And I'm okay with it. It's really a relief that I can say it outloud again.

Well, I guess... this is it.

Just... give it your best. I'll do the same, too, you know. Because now I know that it's going to be okay. You're protecting this World with everything you have, I can't just stay in my bed and wait for my life to change by itself. You're doing everything you can, so I should, too. I promised you I would do everything possible to stop the Tethe'allans from looking down on us Sylvaranti. And I will.

I know that... I know that I'm not alone. I have Zelos, Sheena, Regal and Presea, and they will do anything they can, too. Colette, Genis and Raine are there as well. And Lloyd, too. If we all work together, I'm sure we can change something. It might take a while, the changes might start out subtle, but it's going to work out. Just believe in us, in **me**, and wait, okay?

I'll change this world for you.

Just one more thing...

I love you. I think I might always.

Love you.

Sorry. Just had to say it one more time.

So... can I make one more selfish request? I want you to keep me in your heart. Don't forget me, okay? Because I won't ever forget you, too.

_"My heart will always be with yours"_, remember? I meant it. Every bit of it.

Forever and always,

Marta

* * *

Red eyes focused on the paper. A small smile found his lips as he read it. So silly. How could he ever forget?

_"And I will always love you, too." _


End file.
